Erich Fromm suggests that the Western idea of sexual selection is transactional. We want “the whole package.” Someone who is good looking has a sense of humor, is intelligent, has a lot in common with us. In a sense, we are looking to climb in social rank by putting the people we invite into our lives through a rigid series of filters. For me, she can’t smoke. Period. That includes marijuana. I don’t care for if you do and we are friends but that’s where it would end. For me, it’s like if we were to someday have kids I don’t want it around them. It’s marijuana that’s the bigger one of the two which reduces the pool. Ironically I have someone I’m talking to now that I hope turns into something serious and she used to smoke A LOT like a pack a day and for about a decade until she stopped cold turkey 8 months ago.
Compatibility regarding views on science, politics, and religion. I’m an atheist and far-left wing and I could honestly accept someone who is right-wing or religious or who believes every superstition they cross. We would be constantly yelling and bickering about these subjects. I can totally live with someone who has different views, but not with opposing views. There has to be some sort of proximity.