The fact that I’m nearly 20 and I don’t wanna live anymore. Like I’ve not been doing well for a decade now and it’s just not getting better. I don’t have any dreams or stuff I wanna do. I feel like there is nothing left in life for me. But I’m not gonna commit because I don’t want my family to blame themselves. I just hope I get run over or die “of natural causes”.
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My late brother. He was 8 years older than me and came home from the war with very severe PTSD and was eventually diagnosed with full-blown schizophrenia. I lived with him and my mom for about a decade and it was honestly hell. He was rarely motivated to do much of anything besides shuffling around in his slippers, and in a lot of ways, he seemed to be suspended in time mentally and emotionally.
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