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And lied I have these past 6 years. My relationship with my wife’s parents has grown steadily. I’ve spent far more time with them than I ever anticipated. I would have been comfortable coming clean to them, had it not been for the fact that the Frenchness is my entire identity, my being, my worth to them now. I have become a caricature. Fearing they’d suspect otherwise, I way overdid it early on which means I’ve had to keep it up at express pace this entire time. My wife thinks it’s hilarious, which is why she hasn’t said anything, and the lie has gone on far too long for me to say anything. Every Christmas the family gets together and I gift them french wines, despite never having been there. I sometimes say ’merde’ after intentionally dropping something in front of them and I even learned how to make baguettes. I occasionally wear a beret and they love me for it.

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So much so that they decided to invite the entire family to Paris for their 30th anniversary next year (after the pandemic). They’re so excited and they’re talking about how I can translate for them and ”take them places only locals would know off” and how I’ve ”inspired them to finally visit France”. My wife’s parents are no wealthy people, it is a grand gesture from them paying for my vacation to Europe. I know I’ve got to tell them. I can’t back out of it, my wife would kill me. And I can’t wait for them to find out in France, my wife would kill me.