My life has been one big disappointment and a complete waste due to things out of my control and I’m sure I’ll die with nothing but bitterness and contempt that I was born in the first place. What triggers me is the idea of dying before my cats and they get to die a horrible slow death locked in a room cause I have not one friend. By the time someone starts looking to get the rent money they’d be dead inside the apartment. Living my full life however long that maybe with my dead-end shit job, no true friends that last a lifetime, and have never even been in a single relationship is the scariest thing I could ever imagine.
Dying. It causes me crippling anxiety and fear of anything and everything that could possibly lead to my death. 90% of my day is spent wondering “will this be the last moment of my life” or “what could kill me right now”… I know a lot of people are afraid of death but the extent of my fear sends me into panic attacks multiple times a day. I don’t know where this fear came from, it just started one day and never stopped.