I had a similar experience (I’m white and my partner is ethnically ambiguous). It was really hard when he told me that the things I chalked up to as a misunderstanding were actually forms of racism. I thought I knew how to see it and that was such a wake-up call. I asked him why he didn’t tell me at the moment and he said because it’s his burden to bear, not mine and that it’s always been like that so he’s used to it and he knows I’m not.
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The world is a very frustrating place right now. My(26M) own mother told me that POC chooses to be poor the other day, she raised me to be pretty liberal. Have respect for everybody, pro-choice, women’s rights, everyone is different and all that. We are in a pretty white area so the race was never really a thing.