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Yeah, it’s an extremely convenient excuse if you already are a shitty human being, or simply want to be shitty. But I think what’s under-appreciated is how, even if you’re not garbage, it sets the bar so low that you feel like a “hero” for just doing the absolute bare minimum of emotional labor and respecting consent. It’s horrifying the number of women I know who’ve remarked how impressed they were that a guy stopped when they said “no”. Like…. that’s THE BARE MINIMUM. Congrats you now understand how cults protect and enable abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists. Their systems are like a giant dark

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I had a friend who came from this type of background who, during their premarital counseling, had to give her husband a list of everyone she had ever had sex with and go through the list and apologize to him for each one, one-by-one. At one point, she said, he started crying and talked about how “betrayed” he felt. (Note that all of these partners were before they had ever met). Notably, he was not asked to do the same thing. This “your body belongs to your future husband

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