I know what you mean. My daughter’s last boyfriend was black and by going places with them I could see how my daughter and I were treated differently if we were deemed to be by ourselves. When it was realized the black man and two kids were with us, attitudes changed. The only ones pissed off were me and my daughter. Even the kids accepted it as the way things are. It broke my heart and I worry about what kind of world any future mixed grandchild of mine would have.
It’s funny, I am brown and my wife is white and she gets more offended when there is racism against me than I do. I get it, she loves me and is a good human being, but you are absolutely right. We have to pick our battles because the only way to combat racism is by understanding the person’s root cause. However, you know how hard it is to have that kind of patience when you run into scenarios like this throughout your life. It sucks.