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And once I began to consider that white people could be a separate social group, with particular psychological dynamics, influenced by our specific cultural history, all meticulously detailed in the annals of psychological theory and research, I couldn’t stop. And by coincidence or not, the world wouldn’t let me stop, because whiteness in 2019 wants you to rub your nose in it and inhale deeply.

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All of this happened in the shadow of my own history as a lost-track-of-the-generation white American woman, a descendant of indentured servants and slave owners, daughter of white parents who tried to slip around whiteness and rebel against it, of grandparents who held on for dear life on one side and tried their darndest to reinvent it without losing it on the other, all of us never escaping, always returning to drink from the well of whiteness when our thirst for comfort and security overcame us. All of this happened inside the frame of my own whiteness, whatever it is, whatever that means.