YTA Your daughter’s age isn’t an issue here. The issue is your (and apparently your wife’s) obsession with controlling every aspect of her life. You are totally lacking in respect for her as a person and you have the nerve to call her small attempts to control her own body as not respecting you.
Also, you mentioned that you’ve “lashed out” at her in the past. I would say that you and your wife need to talk with a therapist about how to talk to your daughter.NOT read that as “force your daughter into family therapy” which you can’t do at this point, and which will not help.) You should also probably discuss privacy and boundaries. Your wife should not “accidentally” be seeing her adult daughter showering.
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