I’m Black and my husband is not. When we go camping in rural areas, we do not stop in the surrounding towns for any reason because you never know what might happen to you if you’re a minority. Some of those towns are sort of like sundown towns, where you don’t want to be caught there after dark. It isn’t just Trump’s America; this has been a thing in the South always. It’s a surprise to OP because that trip with her bf was likely the first time she’s ever experienced what minorities deal with pretty regularly. Racists in small, rural towns have always been pretty open about it.
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I have the same sentiment with your guy about “pick your own fight”. Couple of months back, we visited a coastal town in California with my girl who is black. This is when businesses tried to open their establishment after the “first wave” of covid. After our hike, we were craving for steak and the only place open near us is a local bar that serves food. As soon as we get in, I can sense that this is a bar frequented by white particularly old people. The bartender, who is white and in her 70s, greeted us and informed us that fried chickens have a long wait.